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The Teapot and the Kettle

Said the teapot to the kettle,
“You are really in fine fettle,
You’re a handsome piece of metal
Are you not, not, not?

“Your dimensions are so spacious,
and your waistline so capacious
And your whistle so flirtatious
When your water’s hot.”

Said the kettle, “Why you flatter
Me extremely, but no matter,
I have never seen a fatter
Teapot in my life.

“Though I would not call you dumpy,
You are round and sweet and plumpy
And I’m sure you’re never grumpy.
Would you be my wife?”

Said the teapot to the kettle,
“Sir, my given name is Gretel
And I’d really like to settle
Down your wife to be.”

So without the least delay
They were married the next day
And they both were very gay
Drinking tea, tea, tea.


Mary Ann Hoberman (b. 1930) American poet, almost all of whose 40+ books for children are in written in accessible and imaginative verse. She received the 2003 Poetry for Children Award of the National Council of Teachers of English (NCTE) and served as the US Children’s Poet Laureate from 2008 to 2011. I found this poem residing in a 2009 anthology,
Julie Andrews’ Collection of Poems, Songs, and Lullabies, a large format book containing a wide array of selections, including many well-known lyrics from well-loved musicals, chosen and arranged by Julie Andrews and her daughter, Emma Walton Hamilton; generously illustrated with colourful paintings throughout, by James McMullan. Making the collection truly outstanding is the CD which includes about 20 of the poems read by the compilers . . . a real treat.